iii. a letter to my future self

Hello,

Everything is sort of a shitstorm right now. I wish I had your sage advice to get me through this rough “patch” that I’ve been going through. In quotation marks because it isn’t just a patch, or a phase, it’s an era. Dramatic, I know, but I am you and you are dramatic. Anyway, I hope your days are full of sunshine and love and I hope that you get to go to bed feeling safe in someone’s arms. Or by yourself. It doesn’t really matter you’re the OG. You’re number one. You don’t need anyone to validate you. Repeat it after me. I don’t need anyone to validate me. I hope you love yourself like you love others. Unconditionally, infinitely.

If you aren’t there yet, that’s okay too. These things take time, trust me, I know. And I’m also you, so you’ve gotta trust me. I know how hard it is for you to love yourself. How hard it is when your invasive thoughts intrude in your daily life. Please just try to ignore those thoughts and remember, those thoughts do not make you who you are. Your love and kindness is what makes you who you are. I hope you know that.

I guess I’m writing all of this because I want someone to tell me these things. But that’s okay, I’ll just tell it to myself. Afterall, I don’t need anyone to validate me.

I’ve been trying most of my life to love myself and it’s still a work in progress. The important thing, though, is that I am still trying. So damn hard. That’s got to count for something, right?

Anyway, Dnee from the future, drink a lot of water, eat lots of healthy food because you’ve only got one body and one life. Take care of it. Live your best life, girl. You deserve it.

Love,

20 year old Dnee

4/28/19

ii. a letter to my future self

Hi readers! Since most of you were delighted by my previous “letter to my future self,” I thought why not post another one? This post actually predates the last one (I know I know I know I know, I suck.) But this one was salvaged from my old bedroom in Bangkok, and I believe it was written during the spring break of my senior year in high school.

Also, I’ll have you know that I am thoroughly embarrassed by these posts. Writing used to be something that helped me express myself in a way that I wanted people to see me, i.e. mysterious, cool. Alas my writing has its limitations and I can only be fake cool for so long. Yes, I surrender to the cool gods. You guys win. Revel in it.

Anyway, welcome to my mind. It’s a fun place.

10 March 2017

Dear me,

How are you? I hope people are still asking you that. You’re probably in college and you’re back for break…? As of now, I don’t know where I want to go yet, but no matter where you chose, it was a good choice. If not, nothing’s permanent! Hey, transferring is always an option. I hope that you are happy and you are safe. Knowing you (AKA myself), I know that you are unafraid to throw yourself out there to experience all the possibilities of life. But please be careful because there are people out there who love you. Dad, mom, Nina, Sara – even little grandma. Are you still writing? I sure hope you are because words are so so powerful (but you know that). Please don’t forget to push a little harder. Things sometimes don’t work out, but you KNOW that you can do this. I hope that you are where you want to be.

Remember: if you don’t like something, change it. And if you can’t change it, accept it. Be honest. Especially to yourself. All wounds heal. And you’re never ever alone. I hope you go home each night to a warm bed and maybe someone’s arms – and safe. You are important. And you are loved. Take care of yourself.

Love,

Me at 17 xx

Post-letter thoughts (present day)

Should I respond to these letters? I feel rude. Even if it is to myself. Is this stupid? Am I crazy? Please let me know if I should respond to my past self. Thanks for reading!

a letter to my future self

I was looking through some of my notes and found this lovely gem that I wrote to myself. God, I’m so weird sometimes.

I was debating whether or not to post this… But since I’m trying to be more honest here I figured, eh why not? So, dear readers, here is a little peek inside my head. Enjoy.

Hey me, whaddup? This has been such a recurring trend that honestly I really love. How are you feeling? Think carefully about the answer because you can’t bullshit me (well, yourself, really). If you aren’t feeling too good – DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT. You’re always feeling sad. This is not a bad thing. It is a fact. Now the good thing is that you’re so much more prepared than the average girl. You’ve got this and you know it. Take a deep breath. Try to center yourself. Feel your eyes follow every curve and line on this page. Breathe in and out as you trace your eyes on the motion of the words. You are okay. You are okay. Mom and dad love you so much. Past you loves you so much! Barry Allen loves you so much! If you’re still into that… Which I hope you are. Please don’t forget to pick up a book sometime! You know how much you love that. Don’t force yourself to do things you don’t like for people who do not care about you. People are so fucking stupid, but you know what? You can ignore them. Stay inside. Treat yourself. Take care of yourself! Stop putting others ahead of you, okay? The world is a terrible place sometimes, but you are so strong. You are going to make it. Now matter how low you think you’ve dropped, you can always pick yourself up and try again. You can do this. Just take a deep breath. Take it day by day. Don’t forget to look up. Look at the stars once in a while. Appreciate life and all it has to offer. You are lucky, you are loved.

Love, September 28, 2017 me

P.S. Go to the gym too – run on the track, it’s sooo healthy

P.S.S. Call dad sometime

If you liked this post, check out part 2 of “a letter to my future self” here. Thanks for reading!