I’m tired.

I’m tired of never knowing what to say, of saying too much, of saying not enough. I’ve been having such a hard time being back in Boston and I don’t know why. I can’t focus on one thing for long enough, it’s as if I no longer care. I keep messing up over and over and over again. I’m unhappy. I don’t want to wake up. And I feel ungrateful for feeling all of these things because it seems like this, right now, is all I’ve ever wanted in my life. Is there something so fundamentally wrong with me that I can’t appreciate what life has given me? I should be used to feeling this way. I should know how to deal with this. But I feel so lost right now because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when 2 a.m. depression hits me in the middle of the day.

I’m tired.