Tag: healing

the thing about pain

the thing about pain is that it hurts. it is a consequence of the anger festering deep in your heart. what type of pain is it today? the angry fire radiating from within? whose flames lick and lap up at your nerve endings? imploding or exploding? which one is it today? perhaps the cool dull ache gnawing at your bones? there’s more on the menu and get this – a secret menu i haven’t yet unlocked. can’t wait for the new seasonal releases!

i’d like to decline ordering from the pain menu. i’m afraid i’m all pained out for like, life. but if you insist i suppose i’ll choose to feel nothing. one big pile of heaping nothing, please. numbness is my favorite flavor! how did you know? oh yes let me snap a picture of this despair and upload it to the Void. (an exclusive place to me only).

i wanted to write about pain but it hurts. and like i said, today i choose to feel nothing. so let me be numb for a little while longer

iii. a letter to my future self

Hello,

Everything is sort of a shitstorm right now. I wish I had your sage advice to get me through this rough “patch” that I’ve been going through. In quotation marks because it isn’t just a patch, or a phase, it’s an era. Dramatic, I know, but I am you and you are dramatic. Anyway, I hope your days are full of sunshine and love and I hope that you get to go to bed feeling safe in someone’s arms. Or by yourself. It doesn’t really matter you’re the OG. You’re number one. You don’t need anyone to validate you. Repeat it after me. I don’t need anyone to validate me. I hope you love yourself like you love others. Unconditionally, infinitely.

If you aren’t there yet, that’s okay too. These things take time, trust me, I know. And I’m also you, so you’ve gotta trust me. I know how hard it is for you to love yourself. How hard it is when your invasive thoughts intrude in your daily life. Please just try to ignore those thoughts and remember, those thoughts do not make you who you are. Your love and kindness is what makes you who you are. I hope you know that.

I guess I’m writing all of this because I want someone to tell me these things. But that’s okay, I’ll just tell it to myself. Afterall, I don’t need anyone to validate me.

I’ve been trying most of my life to love myself and it’s still a work in progress. The important thing, though, is that I am still trying. So damn hard. That’s got to count for something, right?

Anyway, Dnee from the future, drink a lot of water, eat lots of healthy food because you’ve only got one body and one life. Take care of it. Live your best life, girl. You deserve it.

Love,

20 year old Dnee

4/28/19