it pains me to say

i haven’t felt the least bit alive

that can’t be true now can it

every now and then i catch glimpses of myself

(the girl i used to be)

i can’t seem to laugh the way i used to 

a sharp twisting pain in my gut that stuns me every time

it leaves me gasping for air

(because it hurts)

and i can feel it spread, seeping from my stomach inside inside inside it’s staining me

i’m speechless but mostly just sorry

i must still be alive if i’m struggling to breathe

the struggle is so stupidly human