Happy 2025! This is my first post of the year. Yes, it is January 27th. I have truly been slacking but times have been tough !!! But I’m back. I had to take a break from writing and being myself for a while but I think I feel like I want my brain back now. My brain muscles are atrophying.
Here are some things I learned during the longest stretch of not writing ever.
It’s really hard to think. Apparently, I’m an external processor now. I don’t think I was one before. Sorry to everyone I annoyed! I will return to internal processing via writing now. It’s much better for me as I’m far more eloquent this way. However. It’s been a while (maybe over a year and a half?) since I sat down and properly faced my thoughts.
I’m always confused. My thoughts are way too fast for me to process. All my thoughts and emotions get jumbled up and I find myself never at peace, never having clarity. Like I’m breathing really fast yet I can never get enough air. Does that even make sense?
I stopped writing because I couldn’t anymore. Not because it hurt but because it didn’t. I had so much anger inside I swallowed it all up, breaking my heart and numbing the rest of me. I can’t quite explain it but I’ve been disconnected this whole time. I’m just a brain controlling my body, reacting as best as I can to the circumstances I am given. On a good day, anyway.
I’ve been doing my best on autopilot for a while in hopes that faking it will indeed mean making it. And you know what? It kind of worked. Of course, some nights it’s hard to sleep. Some nights it’s hard to breathe. But every night you make it through. I have a 100 percent rate of making it through the night.
Speaking of night, it is past midnight so I shall bid thee liquidguilters (?? I’ll come up with something better) a wonderful sleep.
Signing off for tonight, blog stylez,
Dnee (evolving brain)
liquid guilt 