i wish:

to be mentally stable so people stop getting tired of how much of a downer i am
i didn’t have all these mental illnesses that make the people i love around me exhausted
my mother thought i was enough
to never become like her
my thoughts would stop spiraling
i weren’t so lonely in a room full of friends and people
to be able to sleep through the night without nightmares
i had a good relationship with my parents
my mother would stop commenting on my weight
to feel loved without having to ask for it
i didn’t feel so much
my father didn’t scare me
i could write about happier things
to sleep forever
to be happy
to feel like i am worth something
i weren’t just a waste of space
to leave this country
i could speak my mind freely in a country without any First Amendment rights
my skin color doesn’t affect the way people treat me
for the world to stop just for a second so i can fucking breathe
i didn’t have to take 2 shots of brandy every morning to numb my feelings
i didn’t have feelings
you loved me as much as i do you
i wrote more
to not repress my feelings
people would be more patient with me
i knew how to love and be loved in a healthy way
i were smart enough to go to grad school
people would stop taking me for granted
for people to realize that my time is worth something too
to take better care of myself
someone cared enough to put me first and take care of me
to be loved
to feel loved
i loved myself
i knew what happens next