- to be mentally stable so people stop getting tired of how much of a downer i am
- i didn’t have all these mental illnesses that make the people i love around me exhausted
- my mother thought i was enough
- to never become like her
- my thoughts would stop spiraling
- i weren’t so lonely in a room full of friends and people
- to be able to sleep through the night without nightmares
- i had a good relationship with my parents
- my mother would stop commenting on my weight
- to feel loved without having to ask for it
- i didn’t feel so much
- my father didn’t scare me
- i could write about happier things
- to sleep forever
- to be happy
- to feel like i am worth something
- i weren’t just a waste of space
- to leave this country
- i could speak my mind freely in a country without any First Amendment rights
- my skin color doesn’t affect the way people treat me
- for the world to stop just for a second so i can fucking breathe
- i didn’t have to take 2 shots of brandy every morning to numb my feelings
- i didn’t have feelings
- you loved me as much as i do you
- i wrote more
- to not repress my feelings
- people would be more patient with me
- i knew how to love and be loved in a healthy way
- i were smart enough to go to grad school
- people would stop taking me for granted
- for people to realize that my time is worth something too
- to take better care of myself
- someone cared enough to put me first and take care of me
- to be loved
- to feel loved
- i loved myself
- i knew what happens next
liquid guilt 