when you are frustrated irritated impatient
i am complacent
i close my eyes, and spiral down
watching the circles get bluer and bluer and finally turn black
sharp teeth in the dark grip me and i’m used to it
but it still hurts when i choke on my words
drowning coughing gurgling up mangled words
that i want to spit out but i’m scared
because they’re not real words
not real to you or in a way you can understand
you say: give me real words i don’t understand you i’m frustrated by you give me real words real words real words
but what you mean is: your words are not real and your feelings are not real and you. are. not. real. so stop pretending like you are.
so, i choke on my sliced-up words and i drown
i think it is you, who makes me feel like i am not enough
but it is me
i am swallowing my own broken-glass words
and then i wonder why i can’t use my voice
liquid guilt 